By Matthew T. Eng, Offbeat NOVA
Ah, yes. Spring is in the air.
Everybody wants to start over out of the winter slumber. New clothes. New perspective. How about new furniture that’s hard to pronounce but cheap enough to ignore the fact that you have to put it together? Sure.
Out with the old and in with the new right? I know of a place where you can stretch your dollar and get that springtime fresh feeling with new furniture: IKEA. IKEA Woodbridge near the Potomac Mills Mall has been a staple in the community for years. I love IKEA because they have unique showrooms that take half of the decision-making out of it. Does it spark joy? Ok…but does the price point spark joy?
There you go. Crate & Barrel still seems like a pipe dream.
This is the second in a three-part series highlighting my favorite showrooms (15 Total) at the Woodbridge IKEA. For this round of five showrooms, I am also going to add where I think the showroom resides, AKA what part of Northern Virginia.
Note: These are not ranked in order but are shown in the flow of the showroom itself. Instead, I employed a system of 1-5 hex wrenches, the impossibly frustrating tool used to assemble most of the furniture.
- Gamer Dad Family Man
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. What about a showroom? This room definitely paints a very specific picture on its modular canvas.
I envision a bunch of kids running around and playing with toys using the bin on the right. Dad is telling the kids to stop playing in front of the television because he is a gamer (you can see the controller and headphones on the table. I’m also guessing that he is playing Call of Duty. He probably needs to let off some steam after a long day at the consulting offices. If he isn’t a mid-level manager at KPMG, I would be impressed. The couch is nice, but not cozy. I don’t get a sense that a lot of weekend movies are watched there. Just gaming.
As far as couches go, the 4-seat sectional Morabo is about as expensive as it gets for the store (which is funny because that is about the base price for anything at Crate & Barrel). There are a few included touches you know gamer-dad didn’t do, like the bookshelves and scrawly-text portraits. Mom went off on that one. In her mind, it really ties the room together, or at least distracts from the fact that the couple’s portrait rests just to the left of what looks like an urn for ashes. You can speculate all the symbolism you want there. Let your imagination run wild.
Given that the toy bin is in the same room as the nice couch and video games, I am going to assume that space is an issue. (Verdict: 2 out of 5 Hex Wrenches)
Northern Virginia location: Seminary Hill, Alexandria
2. Netflix and Chill
Picture this: Recent George Washington University graduate has lots of talent and even more debt. The education received at the prestigious school lands the individual a great job in the Rossyln. The job is great because it has hybrid flexibility, as you can see by the small home office set up in the living room. In fact, everything in this room is moderately priced and perfect for a recent college graduate getting into the work game. Unfortunately, all that time for school has left little time for the dating game. After furnishing their apartment with head-to-toe IKEA, they decide to get back in the game and go on some dates. Some are duds, but the one we see here…is a winner.
The beverage service on the table means two things: the date started and ended at the house (they did not go out to eat), and the second: it’s all pretty self explanatory. The “Are you still watching” is the digital “do not disturb.” Maybe some dinner was made. Either way, the date shifted to the couch where they put something on before the magic hour…or two?
It’s definitely an apartment, and it’s definitely in Clarendon. Date two will be at Maison Cheryl with a few glasses of wine…then Netflix. Ah, to be young. (Verdict: 4 out of 5 Hex Wrenches)
3. Old Town Grill Daddy
Of all the years going to IKEA to either pick up furniture or just shop around in the marketplace, this particular set-up has rarely changed. There are only a few “outdoor” showrooms at this location, but this is by far my favorite.
I know a lot of the materials in this image seem kind of cliche, but I love it. I love the floral accent wall. I love the lights. I love the fake wood deck and the focal point of the grill to the chairs. You can sense there might be some light entertaining happening in the small backyard. I envision a small patch of grass nearby that a small dog uses to relieve itself. Maybe it’s just the fact that it’s starting to get warm, but I am totally into it.
But the focus is the grill and the adjacent water hookup with the sink. Putting chicken on the grill? No problem – I can wash my hands here. It’s the kind of luxury I can get down with, especially in such a small space. The large compost bin at the bottom screams environmentally conscious, if not slightly crunchy. There might even be some prepping done outside. A little mise en place with Miller Lite? Oh hell yeah. (Verdict: 4 out of 5 Hex Wrenches)
This is a well-to-do newlywed couple in Old Town Alexandria.
4. Patrick Bateman Lives Here
You like Huey Lewis and the News?
This room screams serial killer, albeit a cost-conscious one. It’s still a serial killer. Nobody lights up the back of their television screen that actually uses it. It’s all just for show. Just like the abundance of carpet space that doubles as a great location for drop cloth to sop up Paul Allen’s blood.
There’s something so sterile and unsettling about this room. No art. All white. The wine decanter and two glasses. If you walk into this room with an attractive but assertive gentleman that works as a Vice President for Mergers and Acquisitions at Pierce & Pierce, run away. Run away as fast as you can. Just make sure you look out for falling chainsaws. (Verdict 2 out of 5 Hex Wrenches)
If Bateman lived in NOVA, he would definitely live in McLean.
5. Cozy Office/Library
Although I am not a super fan of the color choice in this office/library, I cannot deny how cozy it all looks. Despite the darkness of the furniture, there is a good amount of light that let’s you believe it’s a room that two or more people would ACTUALLY use — and that’s a rarity in some of these IKEA showrooms.
I love the large bookshelves with room to display personal pieces and tchotchke’s of various sizes. There’s personality to this room.
I can see plenty of board games being played in here. Maybe some light jazz music to keep it fancy? The marginal wall art near the desk makes me think it’s the location of a work-from-home set up. That area is the only reason this room is not getting a 5-out-of-5 hex wrench ranking. (Verdict: 4 out of 5 Hex Wrenches)
This room is for the DC commuter who loves spending weekends in their home with family. I’m thinking Leesburg.
Stay tuned for the third and final part of this IKEA showroom series!
Offbeat NOVA 