Internet trends are weird. More often than not, people who perform them for online audiences toe the line between entertainment and insanity. Are followers that important?
Everything from asking strangers on the street what song’s on their phone to stopping people for obviously staged tours of their apartments, I often find myself cringing as I’m scrolling through Instagram at night. And then there are the pranks. Internet pranks range from the kitschy stuff your seven-year-old watches to the moments that spark public outreach. Say what you want about Jackass, but they were innovators.
Tanner Cook, part of the YouTube channel Classified Goons, has amassed around 40,000 subscribers. Their videos primarily feature “IRL prank videos” that Cook is filmed performing. If you wanna know what kind of people the Classified Goons are, their video with the most views is titled “Fake Target Thug Employee Prank!”
So it should come as no surprise that Mr. Cook got pranked himself last week when one of his IRL stunts went horribly wrong inside the food court of a quiet Northern Virginia shopping center. Tanner was inside the Dulles Town Center Mall last week pulling pranks on strangers using Google translate. That was when 31-year-old Alan Colie of Leesburg pulled a semiautomatic pistol and shot Cook in the Stomach inside the Sterling Mall.
There are only two reasons you should be in this area: to go to the airport, or if you live there for some reason.
Cook was taken to the hospital and underwent surgery but survived even though he was in critical condition. The bullet pierced through his stomach and liver. Colie surrendered to the police and is in custody after the gunshot caused a mild panic inside the mall.
Video footage on Instagram (@thisismyu5ername) showed Colie lying on the ground of the second-floor food court. Tanner, commenting after his recovery, stated that he was “playing a prank and a simple practical joke,” noting that he clearly “didn’t take it very well.” Tanner’s father also made a statement on the news:
“They were making a video at the mall and trying to have fun with people and this guy wasn’t having fun,” added Jeramy Cook. “There was a phone that was around him and they were interviewing or talking to him, and he didn’t like it and he pulled out his gun and shot my son.”
The dad later said to ABC7 News that he forgives the man who shot his son. Despite this, Colie is still under arrest and charged with multiple felonies after the incident. It is unclear whether the YouTube influencer will also be charged for the events that led up to the incident.
A side by side comparison of Colie being arrested and the same spot over the weekend. (Offbeat NOVA/Matthew Eng)
I went to the Dulles Town Center over the weekend to see the spot where Cook was shot. The area where Colie was taken down and arrested is near a small convenience store and a Popeyes. A few guests quietly ate their food as I walked by. Nobody really seemed to notice why I kept staring at that specific spot near the massage chairs. It’s almost as if people were minding their business and wanted to be left alone. Imagine that?
Look. We have all done it. A Northern Virginia resident’s lifestyle and monetary requirements almost make it a condition. Even if you don’t want it to encroach on all aspects of your life, there is a strong possibility that you have a piece of IKEA furniture in your house. The chances you have wrestled with furniture names you can’t pronounce and an Allen wrench that will haunt your dreams and fingertips are high. When we bought our house in November 2020, we had so much more room to “fill in.” Coupled with old, aging, and seemingly ugly furniture from my college and bachelor years in the rental house, I knew I would have to eventually donate or toss all of that and ascend to the next level of domesticity (Hint: The final boss is a Crate & Barrel mid-century sectional).
After a while in IKEA, I always feel the urge to type this so people at Potomac Mills can see me.
If I have to GO to IKEA, I need to make it worth my while. Those horse meatballs aren’t enough to sustain a half-day venture out to Woodbridge. In that spirit, I made a game out of it while shopping for modular furniture I can’t pronounce. If you were trapped in an Ikea during a zombie apocalypse, which room would you pick? How would you rate them? Imagining I was in a Swedish version of Dawn of the Dead, here is my definitive ranking of the showrooms at IKEA Woodbridge.
This is the first of a multi-part series. Because there are so many showrooms in IKEA, it’s prudent to split them up into sections.
Note: These are not ranked in order but are shown in the flow of the showroom itself. Instead, I employed a system of 1-5 hex wrenches, the impossibly frustrating tool used to assemble most of the furniture.
1. Boring Newlywed Couple
This is the first showroom that comes up to view after you ascend the escalator to the main showroom floor. I think this one appeals to new couples or newlyweds who just got married and need to fill their bedroom with “something.” There isn’t a lot of thought into what’s going on in the room itself, just a void that needs filling. I think that’s what most couples are concerned with after marriage anyway.
The Slattum bed is an interesting choice. The sheets look like they were carried over from the husband’s bachelor days.
One of the bright spots of the room is the tray at the end of the bed (but what is up with that picture? Does the husband call his wife “mother,” perhaps?). I know I would use the tray personally, but it makes me think this couple watches a lot of Great British Baking Show at night, commenting how “the show used to be so much better.” Paul Hollywood would never approve of this room. It is the spatial equivalent of a soggy bottom.
The water bottle on the workstation on the bed tells me one of the two works from home. If we think specifically of Northern Virginia, I am thinking of a new overly-priced condo in Arlington or Falls Church. They make enough money, but that doesn’t necessarily make up for taste. That being said, I bet their living room and kitchen look much better than their bedroom. Appearances, right?
I think they tried with the paint to make a bit of an accent where the bed was, but everything else screams “meh.” I feel like this couple met at the Yard House and goes there on their anniversary. The husband drinks the yard of beer and attempts to get frisky at home before passing out on this uncomfortable ass bed. The pop of red on the wall above doesn’t save it, either.
Vanilla sex was had here. That’s not an accent pillow. It’s a stress ball for her to clutch when she thinks she made a mistake. You can do better, girl. Take the laundry basket and run. (Verdict: 2 out of 5 Hex Wrenches)
2. Kid-Centric Family Living Room
This is much better.
To be honest, this resembles the layout of my house’s tv room/kitchen area. It’s nice to have a complete family unit in one place. There is a tv in the room, but it isn’t necessarily the central focus. The cute miniature table and chairs give the family enough space to spread out with some arts and crafts (and let’s not forget the ample storage space for supplies, toys, etc.). That is crucial. It might not be aesthetically pleasing, but it is absolutely necessary to have all that stuff be out of sight and out of mind when needed.
There are a number of individual items I disapprove of (the weird circus painting and the sign that simply says “love”). Clearly, the decorator had wall space to fill and chose a few pieces from the “bored suburban family” collection (I think the proper IKEA furniture name is Ballsäk, but I can’t be sure). It’s an otherwise decent space that has a great “lived-in” feel missing in so many of these IKEA showrooms. (Verdict: 3 out of 5 Hex Wrenches)
3. So Many Individual Products
To be completely honest, it’s hard to get a beat on this one because I am distracted by the CVS receipts hanging everywhere. It really detracts from the overall flow of the kitchen. Although the showroom itself occupies a smaller footprint than most rooms, I could definitely see myself cooking in this kitchen. The stove kinda gives me a “renovated-in-Arlington-and-ran-out-of-money” vibe, but that’s okay. Look how much counter space there is to chop stuff! I dig the utilitarian aspect of it all, but it definitely needs a pop of color. You will also notice that IKEA showrooms continually use those white cabinets everywhere.
Pro: Functional and open. I can see a husband and wife duo having a great conversation while cutting vegetables to make a bland stir fry.
Con: Almost everything you see in this kitchen showroom can be found in the marketplace downstairs. I’m also not taking up that much valuable space on the hanging board for a single spatula. Come on Ikea, that’s just lazy.
One thing I will say: $461 for that butcher block countertop? Damn. That’s a deal. This is why everybody shops and ends. up buying something at IKEA. (Verdict: 2 out of 5 Hex Wrenches)
4. Suburban Swingers
I just get a vibe with this one.
At first, I was focused because it looks like this one is meant to be both inside and out. In the end, I envisioned that the foreground items are from a screened-in porch adjacent to the living room. There’s a couple that lives down the street from me with a very similar set-up, and I am almost positive they are swingers. They CONSTANTLY have new people over, either out front on their deck (with a table that looks shockingly similar to the one here) or out on the screened porch with the bbq grill.
I imagine quite a few margaritas being consumed from that bar cart in the front. The couple weighs and measures their guests, then casually throws out the “my wife and I really dig your vibe” line after marg number #5. The husband probably wears a tight-fitting embroidered t-shirt and a backwards hat. Maybe the party is taken inside with some awkward dancing next to the sectional couch? There aren’t any items that screen “home” or “family,” but more of a staging area for some suburban nocturnal naughtiness. There will be political talk, but that political talk will turn into if they have read the literary genius that is E.L. James. No? Well, let me tell you about it while I refill that drink, sweetheart.
(turns on Boz Scaggs and puts on a kimono)
Run John and Cheryl. Run. The carne asada isn’t worth it, and neither is this showroom. (Verdict: 2 out of 5 Hex Wrenches)
5. Seasonal Affective Disorder: The Room
Have you ever wanted to telework, eat, relax, and sleep in the same spot? If the answer is yes, you are probably going through it right now. Trust me, I get it. So am I. If that energy could be channeled into one room, this would be it. To be honest, I definitely vibe with it.
The white tray means that you’re working from the couch for the majority of the day. The sad folding chair to the left means you will splurge for effort on a small desk for the really important Teams calls that require you to turn on your camera. From that angle, you will be able to see the corkboard “vision board” of S.A.D., which includes photographs of places you plan to go (but never will), art you find acceptable but have no real interest in, and pens. Pens are crucial. Don’t quote me, but pens are the talismans of winter depression.
Who is the owner? Well…
You don’t entertain guests. This is your sanctuary and safe zone. A clubhouse for a generation crippled under the weight of the mistakes made by previous generations. You probably take phone calls from your parents on that couch about how upset they are that they paid for their education.
You’re also taking your meals on the same couch tray. So much wine has been consumed on that couch watching The First 48. The fake plants are the real chef’s kiss. You want the appearance but not the hassle of caring for something other than yourself.
You have a bedroom but will regularly convert the couch to a decently comfortable bed. You don’t want to move to sleep but you want the lower back pain in the morning to remind you that you feel something. I get it. The little table next to the couch/bed will hold plenty of emotional support cups of water. If there was an Ikea near me when I finished college, I probably would have bought this entire room. Bravo. (Verdict: 4 out of 5 Hex Wrenches)
Everybody has a specific type of parking lot they stop at on a regular basis. This is no normal slab of concrete and parallel white lines. You do not park your car there to shop. You are not there to pick up food. You are there to simply be there and think. Your car is on or off, depending on the weather. The car is idle, but your mind is moving. I call these locations “Thinking Lots.”
My little slice of heaven (Google Maps)
I have a thinking lot. It’s on the corner of Hayfield and Telegraph Rd. in Alexandria. It’s the perfect distance between my home and my job. Some mornings, if I have extra time before I need to be in, I will stop my car at this lot, roll the windows down, and drink coffee for a few minutes as I watch the cars go by. I often look around and find that I am not the only one that does this at the lot on the corner of Hayfield and Telegraph. Several cars, scattered about and equidistant to each other, have the same idea in those early morning hours. I have companions who also regularly frequent my own thinking lot. I must assume they would think the same of me. On some mornings, I will find a gentleman in a green truck taking phone calls and a man in a blue sedan leafing through what looks like paperwork. Mr. blue sedan will often pop out for a cigarette before hitting the road, likely to Interstate 95 or the Richmond Highway corridor.
I truly cannot overstate how amazing it is to have a place to collect your thoughts. To be outside, but inside. To have a shared experience of quiet contemplation or work catch-up is truly a blessing. If you don’t have a thinking lot, I strongly urge that you find one. I’ve always been interested in the utility of parking lots and their actual use vs. the intended use. For this particular lot, the major businesses in the small shopping area take up a relatively small footprint to the number of spaces provided. It’s perfect.
So you may ask yourself: What makes a good thinking lot?
Primarily off a major road or access point. Nobody needs to go out of their way, right?
A large enough lot that you can have at least 6-8 spaces all around you free from another car. Granted, this will likely only happen early in the morning or late at night.
Is there something to look at while you are thinking? For me, the road in front of me provides endless entertainment.
It is best to find a lot big enough to park in with as little traffic as possible from other cars. I have gotten a few stares from people in my time using the lot, but nothing to dissuade me from continuing to use it.
So find your lot. Park your car. Sip your coffee. Eat your lunch. Scream into your steering wheel. Take a power nap.
Do you have one already? I’d love to know where it is in Northern Virginia. I’m always down to find an auxiliary lot. You know, just in case.
Landmark Mall has remained closed near Interstate 395 in Alexandria, VA, for more than five years.
The mall, anchored by Sears, Lord & Taylor, and Macy’s, was opened in 1965 as the first major mall in the DC metro area to feature three anchored department stores. Over the years, the 675,000-square-foot outdoor center was eventually enclosed in 1990 to its current form.
That is until the wrecking ball came last Thursday.
On May 12, 2022, a small crowd of spectators looked on as a wrecking ball plowed into the Mall’s iconic sign at the top level of the food court. Seeing the news on social media, I traveled down Van Dorn road to snap a few pics of the demolition. By the time I got there, a giant hole was left in the building. If you looked hard enough, you can see into the top level of the food court. The neon sign was gone — and soon the Mall will be. But demolition is slow-moving, and it seems it will be a while before it is all gone. The location will be redeveloped into a mixed-use space, including a new INOVA Alexandria Hospital. I wanted to make sure I at least got all of the signs preserved in digital format, even though they will most likely be the last remnants of the old former location to go.
We will see if it stays that way. Sometimes, plans don’t work out. Remember when the first Top Golf down the road in Alexandria was supposed to be a mix-use facility? Nope. It’s still a golf entertainment complex. Old habits die hard, and real estate in Northern Virginia never seems to die.
My own personal memories of Landmark Mall are limited. Moving to the Northern Virginia area in 2013, I only managed to go to the mall a few times. Like most people did towards the end of the mall’s life, the mall served as a giant retail mausoleum that housed the only Chick-Fil-A in the area (located on the top floor food court). When I last went to the mall in 2015 to get a space heater at Sears, the mall was almost entirely abandoned, earning the no-to-coveted “Dead Mall” status in the years before its closing. The mall received a little life after its closing when it served as a brief set for the movie Wonder Woman 1984.
I was able to go to the mall after production wrapped to take pictures of the abandoned mall after Covid hit. They were some of the first pictures I took after Offbeat NOVA started. Back in 2020, the mall was left completely empty, save for the Sears anchor (closed in July 2020). After waiting two years for a good story on the mall to materialize, it seemed appropriate to share now that the mall is breathing its last breaths.
It will be interesting to see how the demolition progresses. It’s hard to say if the mall was ever “iconic” like Tyson’s Corner or the Galleria, but it did serve as a hub of diversion, shopping, and entertainment for over fifty years. In its absence, malls like the Springfield Town Center are only getting more crowded (even in Covid times).
Do you have memories of Landmark Mall to share? We’d love to hear from you.
If you follow local news, you’ll notice the staggering amount of shop and restaurant closures around Northern Virginia. Business owners, saddled with difficulties stemming from the ongoing Coronavirus Pandemic, often decide to close up shop. We recently posted about the closure of the iconic L.L. Bean store location in Tyson’s Corner Mall. By far our most popular post on the subject matter has been the closure of America’s first Top Golf location in Alexandria, VA. After opening in 2005, the multi-use venue and adjacent Ruby Tuesday’s closed their doors in 2021. Well, it seems that the landowner has done the unthinkable during these tough economic times: rebranded the former facility and opened a new establishment.
Yes, that’s right. The former Top Golf location will be another Top Golf…sorta. Rudy’s
The owner of the land clearly looked for new options after several hearings and votes were stalled on what to do with the land for rezoning. After filing plans with the Fairfax County Government for several years to repurpose the space for townhomes and commercial space, it seems they got fed up and decided to shift focus. Given the timeline between previous filings and community hearings, these details happened rather quickly (and all during these COVID years). Speculation as far back as November 2021 had the former sight turning away from the long-term development plans in favor of a corporate “up-cycling” of the golf experience. According to Alexandria Living Magazine, the plans are “on hold, but they aren’t totally off the table.” For now, there is Rudy’s.
Beginning in January, the Leesburg-based Rudy & Roy LLC began hiring for servers, managers, event coordinators, and porters for the venue. Much like Top Golf, the experience is billed as “part driving range, part restaurant and sports bar.”
At some point between the beginning of January and early March, Rudy’s officially opened. Reviews so far are good. There are five reviews on Google for the new establishment. It boasts a perfect 5-star rating. One local, “William B,” had a glowing review for the fun and food:
“Visited Rudy’s Golf today and it was a great experience! Thrilled that this local business has finally opened. The driving range has mostly been fully restored since TopGolf closed and the food/drinks were great. Highly recommend the burger w/ fries! Prices were reasonable and the service was friendly and attentive. We will definitely be back!”
Google Review of Rudy’s (Google)
Other individuals had very good things to say about the restaurant and its burger and fries. Their website is sparse, but officially up. There is no word what will happen to the adjacent restaurant, formerly a Ruby Tuesday, and the mini-golf course.
Rudy’s is open on Monday-Thursday from 11am to 8pm, Friday-Saturday from 11am to 10pm, and Sunday from 10am to 8pm.
Most families have some sort of communal food tradition that brings them together. Maybe it is a Sunday supper or spaghetti on Wednesday nights. My family always came together by eating Chinese dim sum on the weekends.
Originating from the Cantonese food tradition in tea houses, dim sum is a Chinese meal traditionally enjoyed during the “brunch” hours. Delicate dishes of shareable items, smaller than American appetizers and larger than a snack, are traditionally brought around to tables in steam carts for guests to choose and share. As such, dim sum is translated to “touching heart,” a term used to denote small food and the drinking of tea.
This alligator don’t want none unless you got bao buns, hun.
Unfortunately, finding good Chinese food (or dim sum for that matter) in Northern Virginia is hard to find. Let me clarify: I am talking about Chinese food, not Asian food. If you open the realm to all Asian food, there are myriad excellent options in the area. Chinese food, however, is less easy to find.
If you talk to anybody from Northern Virginia about Chinese food, they undoubtedly will say “go to Peking Gourmet Inn.”
Ok. Is the Peking duck there good?
Yes.
Is anything else?
No. Sorry. That’s a hot take, but I wasn’t impressed by its offerings outside of the Peking duck. What else is there? Peter Chang? Peter Chang is a chain that was impressive fifteen years ago. I’ve been to a few of his restaurants around Virginia, and I wasn’t wowed.
All of the good Chinese food in the DMV is in Maryland. If you read the Eater guide to the best Chinese food in the DMV, the first seven are in Maryland. If you want the best in the area, look no further than Noodle King in Colesville. Get the Hong Kong Fried Fish.
But if you are in Northern Virginia, I think I’ve found the best Chinese food (i.e. Dim Sum). Far superior to other area heavy-hitters Hong Kong Pearl, Mark’s Duck House, and Han Palace, Springfield’s Hot Peppercorn Asian Cuisine & Bar offers hot and fresh Chinese food at prices that won’t break the bank (unlike Han Palace).
This excellent restaurant is almost never mentioned, therefore it is a perfect qualifier for something offbeat. It’s not in Trip Advisor, Yelp, or NextDoor suggestions for local Chinese cuisine. But it’s better than anything else out there. Located in the far corner of a bustling shopping center (Springfield Plaza) off Old Keene Mill Road, the restaurant sits next to TWO busy grocery stores, Trader Joe’s and Giant. It would be easy to look past the restaurant in the ocean of vehicles and cart returns. But it’s there, and it is delicious.
For years, the space was occupied by Golden Hong Kong, a decent restaurant that offered select dim sum delicacies. In March 2021, chef Alvin Zhang took the helm and renamed the restaurant Hot Peppercorn, adding spicy dishes inspired by the Sichuan province.
Every time we have gone to the restaurant, it has been only half full. I think that is largely attributed to its location and not the quality of the restaurant itself. The space is well lit, clean, and adequately distanced.
Unlike most dim sum restaurants, you order your dim sum from a sheet of paper like a sushi roll order at a Japanese restaurant. There are no carts to wheel around your food to you. Although the restaurant takes a hit for authenticity, you are also almost always guaranteed your food is coming out hot and fresh each time. It also might explain why dim sum at Hot Peppercorn is served all day. I can’t tell you how many times we have been served lukewarm or cold dishes at other restaurants in the area.
Some of my favorites for dim sum are the fried taro dumplings (Woo Kok), sticky rice in lotus leaf (Lo Mai Gai), and of course, the Siu Mai.
The Xiao long bao, or soup dumplings, are not earth-shattering but hit the spot. They come out hot and fresh, which makes them delicious after slurping the pork broth under the chewy dough that surrounds it. Pair that with the restaurant’s tangy black vinegar, and they are a staple for your meal. When is Din Tai Fung opening a DC area location?
Unfortunately, there are only a few items my family has ordered aside from the dim sum. The lo mein (for the kids) was decent and the more “adult” gai see chow mein was crispy and flavorful. It just means I need to go back for more dishes, right? The fried calamari was another off-dim sum item that I would highly recommend. The batter is light and spicy — a perfect companion to the Jasmine tea they serve there. My wife loves the fried turnip cakes and the Sesame Shrimp (from the regular menu).
As always, you need to eat all of your dim sum with copious amounts of hot chili oil, which is unsurprisingly spicy at a restaurant of its kind.
For a restaurant not exclusively known for dim sum, Hot Peppercorn tops my list for the best Chinese food in the area. If you don’t mind suffering PTSD from the parking situation, I highly recommend this offbeat eat for a weekend meal shared with your family.
On January 2, 2022, a day before it snowed nearly a foot in the DC Metro area, the family decided to stretch our legs a bit and get some exercise. On the coldest days and months of the year, the best place to get exercise is the mall. Although Springfield Town Center is the closest to us, Tyson’s Corner has always been our go-to location. We go to the mall for exercise, diversion, and a little (light) shopping since my daughter was an infant. It’s warm in the winter and frosty cool in the summertime. It’s a great place to get some exercise and window shop. It’s also fun to feel nostalgic for the old days of the early to mid-1990s when going to the mall was a social event you waited all week for.
More on that later.
We parked in our usual spot across from the Macy’s and headed in for a lap on the two floors of the mall. As we rounded the corner of the American Girl store, I noticed that the L.L. Bean store was surprisingly sparse. Upon further inspection, my suspicion was true: the store was closing. A sign out front of the store read that the store would permanently close after the 17th of January.
Sign in front of the store (Matthew Eng/Offbeat NOVA)
“We’ll miss seeing you here, but we hope to see you outside.”
It was an odd feeling. Going to L.L. Bean was always a part of our mall experience. Our daughter especially loved playing with the toys on the lower level.
There’s a whole lot of speculation from L.L. Bean fans, local residents, and Tyson’s Corner Mall regulars. The most prevailing rumor was that either the rent was too high, or the mall rejected L.L. Bean’s plan to keep the store at just one level. Either way, it is gone.
In an official statement, L.L. Bean said “the decision was not an easy one:”
“Though we worked with the landlord to explore many options, we were unable to reach favorable terms in a way that would allow us to best serve our customers moving forward.”
Quote from L.L. Bean
They looked into everything from finding an alternative location to supposedly moving all of the merchandise to one floor, which would validate the idea that the rent was too high. One can imagine the staggering amount of monthly dues to a 76,000-square-foot store.
It is rather big news, either way. Many would consider L.L. Bean an anchor store next to two other large storefronts, Macy’s and American Girl (both still open– for now).
L.L. Bean in 2000 (Richmond.com)
L.L. Bean opened the store in Tyson’s in 2000. It was the first of the retail chain’s stores outside of its home state of Maine. Part of what spurred the move was the high proportion of catalog orders. As of 2000, L.L. Bean reported that 85% of their sales were from catalogs. The store had an indoor trout pond and waterfall, evoking an early 2000s mall experience akin to waiting for your “portabella mushroom” group at your local mega-mall Rainforest Cafe. At the time, it was the sixth anchor of the burgeoning mall. In a grand twist of ironic fate, it seems most of the orders for L.L. Bean clothing and merchandise are back into the catalog sphere (at least in the sense of ordering online).
The only other location in the area is the 22,000-square-foot store in Bethesda, Maryland, despite the retailer actively looking for a new location in the DMV area. This news comes just before it was announced that the Bed Bath & Beyond just down the street from the mall is set to close at the end of February 2022. And of course, we can’t forget that the Disney Store inside the mall, by far our main reason for going to Tyson’s, shuttered in September. At this point, you have to ask yourself: What will be next?
In the same vein as seeing your childhood Pizza Hut turn into a 2-star Mexican Restaurant, there are already plans from the developer to change the space.
It’s been real, Bean (Matthew Eng/Offbeat NOVA)
Retailer Macerich, the owner of Tyson’s Corner Center, plans to break the space into smaller pieces of the two-level shop. According to a report from the Washington Business Journal, at least three tenants have been identified to fill in the space for now, one of which will be Ireland-based retailer Primark (looks like a business model similar to the Japanese retailer Uniqlo).
Whatever the space will be, I will keep the memories of walking around the store in the early years of my daughter’s life. My local mall near where I lived growing up (Pembroke Mall in Virginia Beach Virginia) also announced that it was closing. Not a store — the entire mall. Of course, there are plans to turn it into something else. Progress is progress, and you see plenty of that in Northern Virginia. Without sounding like an old man yelling at a cloud, I am glad to walk in there one last time and take a few pictures. I only wonder what store (or stores) will go next at the mall. With the announcement of the opening of a LEGO Discovery Center at Springfield Town Center, my money is on the relatively small footprint of the LEGO store on the lower level of Tyson’s.
Malls, retailers, restaurants…they all have memories tied to them. Those from childhood are always the strongest, which is why seeing shops in malls, whether they be from your childhood or adulthood (Like the L.L. Bean) are tough. What else do we talk about with our friends or coworkers? The past. The future is always exciting to think about, but the past holds our collective subliminal feelings. You can call it nostalgia if you want, but it’s always there.
I’ll close with the final paragraph from Stephen King’s IT, which takes place in the fiction town of Derry in L.L. Bean’s home state of Maine. For a book that is an endorphin shock of childhood nostalgia and the fears of growing up, I think it is perfectly apt to end this article.
“But it’s nice to think so for awhile in the morning’s clean silence, to think that childhood has its own sweet secrets and confirms mortality, and that mortality defines all courage and love [. . .] Or so Bill Denbrough sometimes thinks on those early mornings after dreaming, when he almost remembers his childhood, and the friends with whom he shared it.”
When Offbeat NOVA first began in the quarantine summer of 2020 (remember those days?), I came up with a list of almost one hundred individual items, events, and places in Northern Virginia to write about. Many of those items off that initial list have made it to the blog and on our YouTube page. Still, the majority of them are unfinished and waiting in the hopper to become a reality.
To be honest, I have legitimately slid in writing about these topics. It’s not because I don’t want to, I assure you. Work has been very busy, and what little time is left is carved out for some family time, especially with our daughter. Alongside other side jobs, I have to make a little extra money (a necessity as a millennial living in Northern Virginia), I have neglected writing about these topics I enjoy researching and learning about.
For that, I am sorry. But it will get better.
Diving back into that initial list of nearly one hundred items to write about, one stuck out — a small note about something called a “Shoney’s Inn.” I remember writing it down after researching something that came up on the Fairfax Underground message board (there is a specific thread called “Old pictures of Fairfax county, love em!” That is a treasure trove of offbeat info on the Northern Virginia area). In that November 2019 post, a poster bystander by the name of “Andy Ratlips” posted an image of a Shoney’s Inn from the Fairfax County Public Library. The library was looking for help figuring out where the hotel existed. On the back of the picture, there was a notation for “Route 1.” The poster, Mr. Ratlips, posited that it could be from the Tysons area. A few posts down from the message board post, somebody quickly solved the mystery.
A user named “Blanch” posted that the hotel looked like a Comfort Inn off Spring Hill Road near Tyson’s Corner Mall.
(Fairfax Underground)
Before I found out about the retail and commercial history of this specific location in Vienna, I had to figure out what the hell a “Shoney’s Inn” was. I remember spending many weekends eating Sysco-brand chicken fingers or watery eggs and soggy hash browns from the Shoney’s buffet. I can only imagine staying at a Shoney’s Inn to be akin to sleeping in the hotel at South of the Border in South Carolina.
Shoney’s began as an offshoot of Big Boy franchisee Alex Schoenbaum. He renamed his Charleston, West Virginia, restaurants the Parkette Drive-In to resemble his name, Shoney’s, in June 1954. Over time, the family casual restaurant grew in popularity, particularly in the southern United States.
In 1975, drawing off the success of the restaurant, Shoney’s began a chan of motels called “Shoney’s Inn.” They were all sold off in 1991, but continued to collect off the royalties of the name – they were rebranded between 2002 and 2006, or those that remained as GustHouse, headquartered in Hendersonville, Tennessee. At the time of the purchase and remand in 2002, there were seventy-three properties of GuestHouse International Franchise Systems in operation, with twelve currently under development as of 2006. The location in Vienna near Tyson’s Corner was not one of them at the time.
So, what about this specific location? How did it become a Shoney’s Inn and how did it become the hotel it is today?
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find much information about the Shoney’s Inn in Vienna, located at 1587 Spring Hill Road. The internet mocks me with their scant details. One tour book from 1987 lists the Shoney’s Inn address with brief details on location and pricing. At the time, you could get a single bed (one person) for $52. A two-person/two-bedroom option would cost you five bucks more. The original property boasted 251 units, complete with cable television, phone, and a nearby pool sandwiched in between the adjacent Shoney’s restaurant and the rooms.
(Fairfax Underground)
At some point in the early 1990s, the Shoney’s and its hotel closed and became the Comfort Inn. The 1991 Shoney’s Inn location does not include the one in Vienna (there was five total, with the nearest in Manassas off Phoenix Drive — now a Super 8). The building where the Shoney’s was located (in front of the pool and hotel) became several different things in its lifetime. Business records indicate it was a toy and manufacturing business called “Thumbelina’s” in 2000, run by an individual named Richard Kibbey. After that, it was a sub-par Fuddruckers for several years before closing in 2010. My favorite Yelp review comes from “Judith L.” Back in 2009 a year before it closed:
“Now that I think about it… I think the last visit was the only one where I wasn’t disappointed by something. WHY THE HECK DO I KEEP COMING HERE?”
Yelp for Fuddruckers in Vienna (YELP)
The hotel itself was a Comfort Inn from the early 1990s until 2007, if the Internet Archive’s record of the hotel’s website is any indication. The Unofficial Guide to Washington, D.C. gave the hotel a rating of 65 out of 100.
Shoney’s Inn as a Quality Inn Today (Offbeat NOVA)
Today, the entire complex houses the Quality Inn. The reviews are modest, oscillating between 3 and 3.5 stars on various hotel rating sites and Facebook. Looking at it today, you can still see some architectural evidence of the original Shoney’s Inn establishment. You can still see that the staircase from the original photo lines up perfectly just underneath where the “Shoney’s Inn” used to be. A blue awning now takes its place above the staircase to keep guests dry as they walk up to their rooms. The roof and brick structure are also similar, and the parking lot remains unchanged over the years. The original Shoney’s restaurant location has seen the most considerable change over the years, with the paint scheme now yellow and red instead of white. A lawn care crew looked quizzically at me from a short distance as I got out to take pictures of what looked like a mundane two-star hotel in proximity to Tyson’s Corner.
Comparison from 1980s Shoney’s Inn and Today (Fairfax Underground/Offbeat NOVA)
Shoney’s is still around today, albeit in small numbers in the South despite filing for Chapter 11 in 2000. Shoney’s wasn’t the first business to incorporate lodging with a well-known brand of the restaurant. Howard Johnson built the model previously and made it a marketable business model. Although Shoney’s never had the success that Howard Johnson did, there are still more Shoney’s than Howard Johnson eateries around today (only one Howard Johnson remains in New York State).
Although I couldn’t gather much information on this particular establishment, I wanted to document it for posterity. I find repurposed buildings from the commercial and hospitality industry fascinating. The fact that this one location has been three hotels and at least two separate restaurants stands as a testament to the staying power of the area.
If you are over the age of thirty, you remember going to a music store and picking up a CD to buy and bring home. For the most part, you would have very little chance to hear the entire album and assess its merit from start to finish. These were expensive purchases (remember this is the mid 1990s and CDs were still $15-20). Without buying a music review magazine like Billboard, you only had your knowledge of the songs you’ve heard to make your purchase. Even if you did have access to magazines like that, your personal taste might be different than the reviewers. It was always a coin toss.
Sometimes the coin came up on the wrong side.
For mature millennial and Gen X’ers, we’ve all been burned this way. For me, it was the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I remember going to my local music store with my father and putting down my birthday money to purchase One Hot Minute in 1995. I was so excited to hear what the album had to offer beyond the first two singles, “Warped” and “My Friends.” I wasn’t stoked on the second single, but “Warped” had a funky quality that I liked compared to the band’s grunge contemporaries. I got home and listened to it. To this day, I can safely say that “Warped” is one of the only songs I liked on that album. The Red Hot Chili Peppers are a taxing band, and that album is quite taxing. That goes double for today. Even if the album was generally well received by critics, it never stuck with me. I thought the critics were wrong. It wouldn’t be the last time.
flippa-dippa-California ding dong (bass noises)
Today, reviews are instantaneous, and anyone can become a critic. In the age of the Internet, they also have the power to sway public opinion, and in some cases, ruin an artist’s career in the process. Thus was the case for Northern Virginia native Travis Morrison and his only solo album, 2004’s Travistan.
A little background first.
Born in 1972, Morrison grew up in the Washington, D.C., suburb of Fairfax. Morrison went to Lake Braddock Secondary School in Burke before leaving the area to go off to college at William and Mary. A promising music career filled in beyond that. It was at Lake Braddock that he met future bandmates Eric Axelson and Steve Cummings, who along with Morrison eventually became the influential dance punk band The Dismemberment Plan, or “The D-Plan,” to their throngs of sad, sweater and corduroy pant wearing emo boys — just like me!
“Hey bro, have you heard the new Mountain Goats?” (c. 2003)
As much as I enjoyed the grunge of the mid-1990s, by the time I got to the end of middle school and into high school, punk, post punk and emo/indie interested me more. The Dismemberment Plan stood at the crux of all three genres, with the syncopated drum tracks and odd vocal inflections coming together to draw on influences ranging from Gang of Four to the Talking Heads and even jazz and hip hop.
Travis Morrison famously devoted much of the lyrical content in his band’s music to Washington, D.C. Emergency & I, released in 1999, is littered with references to D.C. (For instance, “Spider in the Snow” references K Street and “The City” is entirely about Washington itself). I adored Emergency & I (and still do), with our without critical review backing my decision.
As much as he talked about D.C. in the songs he wrote for Dismemberment Plan, there certainly was no love lost for Morrison and the area south of Washington, D.C. He had this to say about Northern Virginia in a 2013 Spin interview:
Have you ever been to Virginia? Virginia is a very strange state, and it’s where we all grew up. It’s kind of the fuzzy line of the South. When I grew up, the line was right south of D.C., which is where three of us went to high school. Now that line has moved southward, so it’s somewhere north of Richmond. I know that blurry zone, that fog between the North and South, really well, because I had to go back to work there. I worked at the Huffington Post when it got bought by AOL. I found myself back deep in Virginia, and “White Collar, White Trash” came from being from Washington, but having to stay in a hotel 45 miles outside of Washington in an industrial park near the airport, near these huge, wide-open rural highways and mansions. It was horrible.
D-Day: Travis Morrison Dissects the Dismemberment Plan’s Return (Spin, October 11, 2013)
Yikes. At least we still have all the great tunes, right?
It was clear that Morrison had better things looming on the horizon and needed to branch out beyond the District. In 2004, Morrison moved to Seattle to start working on solo music after The Dismemberment played their first final show (there have been several in the years since) at Washington’s Fort Reno Park. He moved back to D.C. and recorded Travistan, a 14-song solo album that included Morrison and producer/Death Cab for Cutie member Chris Walla playing the lion’s share of instruments. I remember (ahem ahem) “downloading” the album from the comfort of my college apartment at James Madison University. I especially liked the tracks “Born in ’72” and “Get Me Off This Coin A.” The music has a similar feel to The Dismemberment Plan without sounding like a copycat. There is experimentation in songs like “Song for the Orca” where the risk/reward is rather high, but worked. The album was generally well received by most critics (Spin, Alternative Press, A.V. Club).
Most critics.
Pitchfork, the budding music review conglomerate in its early stages back in 2004, famously gave the album a coveted 0.0 rating. Travistan joined the ranks of a small but growing list of albums that the reviewers at Pitchfork felt had no merit, like Liz Phair’s self-titled 2003 album and Sonic Youth’s NYC Ghosts & Flowers. None of these albums are bad, yet each of their 0.0 ratings did much to damage the reputation of the artists. Such was the case for Travis Morrison. This stands in sharp contrast to his previous projects, which were extremely well received (Ironically, a reissue of Emergency & I received a 10.0 perfect rating years later on the same site).
In the September 2004 review of the album, now-freelance writer Chris Dahlen had very little to say that was good about Travistan. In fact, in his estimation, nothing was good. There’s very little critique here, unfortunately, and it mostly sounds like the writer had a particular bone to pick that one of his favorite bands isn’t playing anymore.
Travistan fails so bizarrely that it’s hard to guess what Morrison wanted to accomplish in the first place; the guy who led sing-alongs to sold-out crowds can’t find the words on his own album.
He went on to say that he never heard an album that was “more angry, frustrated, and even defensive about its own weaknesses.” Ouch. Double ouch. One blogger who wrote a 10-year retrospective on the historic review referred to it as a “dick punch.” The response was fairly immediate at a time when the Internet was still in its toddler phase. As a result of the review, many of his shows were cancelled and stores didn’t stock the album. The event has come up in news stories over the years. Essentially, Morrison does not want to talk about it. And why should He continued to play music, albeit in a limited capacity, and is now enjoying life with his family in Durham, NC. As late as July of this year, he posted a single picture of a guitar and practice amp on his Instagram, ending the caption with “time to play some damn shows.” Let’s hope so. The world needs you now more than ever, T-Mo.
There have been other 0.0 reviews from Pitchfork since 2004. Jet’s 2006 album Shine On particularly comes to mind. That doesn’t mean they always stay that way. Pitchfork is famous for rolling back on their reviews of albums that have been certified classics in their own time. Their recent review of Jimmy Eat World’s perfect record Clarity is a perfect example. In that same vein, the site recently released an article re-scoring some of the albums they felt they would change if they could. “These adjustments are born out of conversations we have all the time here on staff, much like the conversations you, our dear opinionated reader, have as well,” they wrote in the introduction to the list of 19 albums that got another chance (for better or worse). Included in that list is Liz Phair’s 2003 eponymous release. The new score, a 6.0, did a modest amount of damage control on the arguably “condescending and cringe” review. I would agree with the score. In a world where indie pop is very much a thing, artists like Phoebe Bridgers and Carly Rae Jepson owe their triumphant walks to the crawling of Liz Phair.
Travistan was absent from that list. When I first saw the list, I was almost certain it was going to be on there. Unfortunately, the review has remained unchanged for nearly twenty years.
In the end, I think we put too much merit on reviews without seeing it for ourselves. I had to purchase One Hit Minute to know it sucked. If I only read reviews, I would think the album was solid, instead of listening to lyrics like “Meet me at the coffee shop/we can dance like Iggy Pop.” Ugh.
Travistan deserves a second listen, especially when others of a similar ilk received better. But maybe I should follow my advice and just give my own silent credit to Morrison’s only solo debut. It’s not a fantastic record, but compared to The Dismemberment Plan, what is?
I think there is also an allegory here for Northern Virginia. As much as we write about the cool, fun, and interesting of this area, it’s hard to get beyond a review of the area as a traffic-soaked suburban dumping zone to the nation’s capitol. There’s clearly more here, just like with Travistan.
So in all seriousness, don’t take my advice. You have to form your own opinion about both. But when I scratched beneath the surface of each of these, I was pleasantly surprised with what I found.
Except for The Red Hot Chili Peppers. They still suck. You need more than just a clever name.
When I was growing up in Virginia Beach, I always heard tales of a friendly ghost at a local restaurant called Tandom’s Pine Tree Inn. The building had been around for decades—it was only natural that a ghost story go with it. Allegedly, the ghost liked to play tricks on staff. A friend’s mother, who waitressed there for time, told a story about plates being stacked one way, leaving the room, then returning to see them stacked another way. Another time, she said, she came in to open the restaurant one morning and all the chairs in the dining room were haphazardly strewn around, even though the person who had closed the night before swore they were neatly put away.
Eventually, that building was torn down to make way for progress (a Wawa, to be exact) and the stories of the friendly trickster ghost faded away. It made me wonder whether Northern Virginia had any tales of friendly ghosts—after all, cities like Alexandria had been around for much longer than Virginia Beach.
Imagine my surprise when I learned that the upscale Overlee Community Center and pool in Arlington was purported to have a friendly ghost hanging about.
The Overlee (meaning “north of Lee Highway”)1 Community Center is a private club that was founded in 1957. It has multiple pools, park land, sports areas, and a clubhouse. The clubhouse is the item of interest in all the stories I read—though it is not the clubhouse that is standing today. The former clubhouse was a historic home, known as the Febrey-Kincheloe house, that served as the clubhouse for the association until 2012, when the pool members voted 55 to 4 to renovate the complex.2 Part of the renovations included tearing down the historic home and building a new clubhouse.
The Febrey family was the first to own the historic home. The Febreys bought a 176-acre tract of land in 1849; in 1890 Ernest Febrey built a three-bedroom home that overlooked an apple orchard and creek.3 Shortly after he built the home, his wife gave birth to a little girl, Margaret. Margaret, unfortunately, passed away on January 15, 1913, at the age of 14. She had Pott’s disease, a rare infection of the spine.4 Supposedly the family no longer used the home after Margaret died. She is buried in Oakwood Cemetery, not far from the site of her home, with her mother and infant brother.
Margaret A. Febrey Tombstone in Oakwood Cemetery, Falls Church (FindAGrave)
In 1947, a lady named Florence Kincheloe bought the property. She converted the home into what was known as the Crestwood Sanitarium, a home for retired Washington dignitaries.5 Little details exist about the Crestwood, though a publication from the Arlington Historical Society notes that “it was a burden to manage [the sanitarium] and that the population in the area was too young to need a nursing home,” so she sold the property in 1957.6 Soon after, it became the Overlee Community Center.
Febrey-Kincheloe House, 1997 (Arlington Library)
Over time, the creek and the orchard disappeared, but the house remained. However, it seems that more than just the house stuck around.
A former swim coach that lived in the Febrey-Kincheloe house in the late 70’s and early 80’s reported hearing weird noises (but never seeing anything) that reminded him of the ballroom dancing scene in Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion.7 One of the Overlee Board members mentioned “other ghost stories” that included “music and strange noises and things . . . most people believe it’s from the time it was a sanitarium.”8
Sounds like something straight out of a Stephen King novel, if you ask me.
However, there is another well-known ghost that is said to haunt the property.
Multiple people have reported seeing the ghost of a young girl wandering the grounds. Described as chatty and friendly, she was said to enjoy playing with other children at the pool.9 When the property was renovated and the original Febrey home torn down, construction workers reported seeing a girl in Victorian clothing climbing through the construction debris and walking around the site.10 Others reported talking to a young girl in “strange clothing” that they later identified as Margaret.11 One former manager recounted odd happenings, such as a lifeguard chair swiveling on its own, the sound of rocks being thrown into construction equipment, or the shuffling of feet in a breezeway.12One construction worker even quit after he sighted her in the house. He went in to find her, came out, then saw her on the steps. He turned away for a moment, and she was gone. A coworker said that the worker who sighted the girl immediately packed his stuff and left the site.13
The Overlee Community Center Clubhouse, site of the former home (Offbeat NOVA)
No one reported any malice or frightful happenings, just small, slight occurrences that suggested there was more at work than just an active imagination. Even so, there have been few sightings of Margaret since 2012. An article from Arlington Connection, dated 2013, asks, “Where are you, Margaret?”14 and recounts one story of a sighting.
Overlee Community Pool (Offbeat NOVA)
The friendly ghost of my childhood, the Pine Tree Inn ghost, disappeared after the building was razed. The stories and occurrences stopped the second the building came down (though I’d love to know if anyone’s ever encountered something weird at the WaWa). Like the Pine Tree Inn ghost, the ghost of Margaret Febrey seems to have disappeared with the destruction of her home.
The board members didn’t take any chances when the house was demolished, though. They left flowers and a note that said, “Dear Margaret, we are building you a new house. Please come visit any time.”15
And maybe, she will.
But I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Footnotes:
Zak, Dan. “Haunting at Overlee pool in Arlington shows past is still part of community’s future,” The Washington Post, June 13, 2012. Accessed April 24, 2021, LINK.
Zak, “Haunting at Overlee.”
Ibid.
Ibid.
n.a. “The Spirits at Overlee,” Rediscover Haunted Arlington. October 28, 2019. Accessed April 24, 2021. LINK.
Vogel, Sophie. “Growth of a Suburban Village: Fostoria, Overlee Knolls & Westover, 1730-1998,” Arlington Historical Society Magazine. October 1998. Accessed April 24, 2021. LINK.
Zak, “Haunting at Overlee.”
Pyzyk, Katie. “Workers Report ghost Sightings at Overlee.” ARLnow. March 16, 2012. Accessed April 24, 2021. LINK.
Zak, “Haunting at Overlee.”
n.a.“Spirits at Overlee.”
Ibid.
Zak, “Haunting at Overlee.”
“Arlington ghost: construction worker quits after Margaret Febrey sighting.” YouTube video. November 9, 2012. Accessed April 24, 2012. LINK.
McMorrow, Michael. “Where Are You, Margaret? TheArlington Connection. Connection Newspapers. September 11, 2013. Accessed April 24, 2021. LINK.
Offbeat NOVA 